i don't deserve any of this. i don't deserve my friends. i don't deserve my boyfriend. i don't deserve my family. i don't deserve that i've gotten into the 3 colleges i've heard from while other people have gotten rejection letters. i don't deserve anything.

what have i done? nothing. i'm just a lazy teenager good for nothing. sure i have the possibility or the potential to be good for something. instead i'm wasting space and air and a perfectly good body.

i read John Green's book "The Fault In Our Stars" in 4 hours minus breaks to text my boyfriend, talk to my family, let the dog out, and eat dinner. it made me feel useless and silly and stupid. but i loved it so much. i invested myself for four hours into that book. and i don't usually cry during books, but i almost did during that one.

i wouldn't be...josh broke my concentration so now i don't know what i was writing there so new idea.

or not. i don't want to get into depressing subjects. i'm in a weird tired mood tonight. alright. all done.