hi so I don't know if I've mentioned Kristen but she is awesome and I just spent like the past two hours just talking to her. but what happens is that when you talk to someone you often talk about your past and you tell them stories and such. so tonight was telling her about my falling out with Abby and the whole Josh thing too and it's strange. it's strange that what happened before and these people that I don't talk to anymore are still sort of part of my life as I tell my new friend about them. it's like they are still a part of me. which is kind of sad. my best friends from high school. now they probably both hate me. but yet I still talk about them to my new friends. or at least Kristen. it's so easy to talk to her and just talk about our lives. it's really nice and refreshing. i'm so lucky and glad that she is here.

but it's kind of hard thinking about josh and abby and all of that. it makes me want to look up to see how they are doing. but then Kristen was talking about how if abby was a true friend she would have come to me and talked to me instead of getting fed whatever crap josh's mom was probably saying about me. it's hard losing your boyfriend and your best friend at the same time. also Kristen was saying how Abby's confidence and identity are probably tied up in Colin since they have been together so long. and i'm sure that's probably true. okay you are probably like "Kristen said" yeah yeah she doesn't know anything you just met her and you just told her all these stuff. well right now she is one of my best friends and she is here.

now i'll probably go stalk josh and abby again before I go to sleep. now that I really want to but i'm still so curious especially now that I have been talking about them. or i'll go read old blog posts. oh but I was saying before that I don't think i'll fully move on (I mean I have moved on completely but you know...) until I get another boyfriend. because all my feelings and affections and love were all given to Josh and he is the only one who has had that from me. so until someone else earns that or wins that or gets that from me and I decide to give that to someone else...Josh still owns all of it, even if it was years ago. he is still the only one.

I miss him.